The season of Christmas is that of joy, connection and pleasant moments that can be remembered by families even after the festivities end. But it is not always as simple as it seems, especially to parents. To them the season brings a sense of overwhelm when they actually understand how much work needs to be done. From the little details to the big ones, the sense of always forgetting something important, that tiny moment of irritation when all people can ask “What are we having for dinner tonight?” for the nth time.
That sense of overwhelm is not just about the tasks. It’s the emotional effect of stress contagion, where the waitress and worry can ripple to people around them. This happens often within a family. The first step is to understand this phenomena of stress contagion and how rapidly it can spread to other family members. This can not only help with getting through the holiday season but also understand how you feel when it happens.
Stress Contagion in Families
Emotions in families tend to tether meaning when a family member is overwhelmed, the other members might be impacted by it. This is described as stress contagion by researchers, where emotions of tension, anxiety and overload to cognitive functions can affect everyday relationships and interactions.
People are not islands, especially parents. They cannot just shut their emotions/ feelings of stress on a daily basis. These emotions of stress slip out and tend to be picked up by children. From quick paced movements , stiff body language, short replies can stick with a child as well. These emotions don’t just stay in a single mind, they rub off on others through conversational tones, non verbal cues like body language and interactions with others. The stress of one family member affects the functioning of the whole family which reflects psychological models of transmission of emotion.
This is why everybody in a family is overwhelmed during the holiday seasons, the stress becomes everybody’s problem. When subtle changes in tone, mood , body language can affect your partner and your children. They start to recognise your worry and in turn can cause reactions to the same. This ripple effect is what brings the whole vibe of the holidays down.
Cognitive Overload – When the Brain Is Carrying Too Much
The reason that makes this holiday stress so potent is the amount of thinking required, not the amount of work that needs to be done.
The human brain requires context , it can’t just blatantly follow instructions –
- Knowing who will be attending dinner
- Keeping track of preferences and allergies
- Managing school calendars
- Planning meals for the family and getting a shopping list done
- Remembering deadlines and travel plans of other family members.
These are not just tasks, these are cognitive loads. The amount of mental fortitude required to analyse, adapt, overcome and hold on to all information takes a toll until its cleared off.
As everybody knows, the cognitive load is at an all time high during the holiday season which in turn increases emotional tension. That feeling of irritability, that forgetfulness, the feelings of overwhelm long before the holiday event starts all because your mental bandwidth is at full capacity.
Parental Stress isn’t neutral, it affects everybody in the family and can cause fluctuations in behaviour and emotion even with children is what researchers in family psychology show. This ripple effect of emotional overwhelm is seen with the members of the family through behavioural changes and interactions.
When stress becomes prolonged , it not only affects the behavior but it can also change one’s physiology. Difficulty breathing, a tense body and continuous induction of stress hormones. These are the invisible ways stress can seep into families even when they are not clearly spoken out.
The Gravity of Meeting Social Expectations
If the stress was not already enough, the social expectations will definitely increase your stress. From planning perfect meals to making sure every moment is filled with joy and fun and is photographed, making sure all the gifts are wrapped and ready and making sure all the children are happy. The stress never ceases , it only grows.
The media has set this standard of expectations when it comes to families during the holidays. It has portrayed every moment as joyous, Instagramable and easy. This undoubtedly adds to the stress of meeting expectations which can burden the parents.They are expected to be happy even after being mentally exhausted which is undeniably difficult.
The fact of the matter is that what the media portrays is just mere stories and not the actual reality of the common household during the holidays. The essence of the holiday season for families is the bond , the connection and the moments shared. The essence does not lie in the execution of the tasks.
A simple system where the cognitive overload decreases and stress contagion is minimal like a shared emotional toolkit can make a huge difference in the overall experience.
How Parents Can Change the Family Atmosphere With Small Steps
Stress can not only spread through a family but it can also react to minor intentional habits that can change the mood, the connection and the behaviour completely. Here are some ways that parents can use which is also backed by science not just as theories but also apply this in their lives –
1. Acknowledging the Stress Verbally and Physically
The first stage that stress operates is always physiological. The initial stages of stress can be observed in your own body. By understanding the physiological changes like shortness of breath, a tense body posture etc. can help you negate the effects of emotional contagion long before it spreads.
Try your best to have certain rituals that help you ground yourself, like taking a few deep breaths or by calling out what you are feeling in a calm manner. What this does is help break the momentum of the emotional ripple for both children and adults.
2. Use of clear, easy language to name stress
When stress goes unacknowledged , it tends to show in the interactions you make. Instead of letting this happen , say it calmly and without trying to blame anyone
“ I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything, can we take a timeout?”
This also helps children label emotions when they hear emotions being articulated clearly. This helps regulate feelings and mood and can abstain from emotional misunderstanding.
3. Decrease the Cognitive Load by Sharing Plans
If the entire burden or mental load is in your head , you are bound to be overwhelmed and in turn set you up for failure. Systems wherein thinking capacity is shared outside reduces stress almost instantaneously.
Tools like familymind fall into place over here. The idea of familymind is to share thoughts and tasks like reminders, calendars, lists, plans etc. with the family so that your cognitive load decreases by sharing and enabling other resources. Your brain will automatically stop from holding all the unnecessary information and help you regulate everything a whole lot better. Shared planning helps in freeing up your cognitive load for the things that actually require your mental bandwidth and in turn reduce the stress and its ripple effects.
Minor Practices That Have Major Emotional Impact.
Mindful Moments
By practicing 2-3 minutes of deep breathing exercises can help reduce physiological responses. This can be any time when the family is together and helps in reducing tension and improving the regulating of emotions.
Clear Family Planning
By sharing your thoughts with the ideology of familymind can vastly help you reduce the stress you are feeling. This also doesn’t allow stress to grow internally and also helps distribute emotional responsibility in the family.
Celebrating Small Wins
The main cause of holiday stress occurs when you think about what is going to happen, whether everything will go as planned or will it all blow up in your face. Create a habit of celebrating your accomplishments in the holiday season no matter how small or trivial it may seem like “ Completed the grocery list”. What this does is it signals your nervous system that you are making progress which in turn reduces your stress.
Why Do These Steps Work? Because Science Says So
These mechanisms don’t just work because it has logic behind it, they are deeply rooted to what family psychology research talks about stress, regulation emotions and emotional transmission. Stress tends to rub off on other people and not just stay within a person. When members of the family are dealing with chronic stress, it has a tendency to change behavioral and interaction patterns and the way to negate this is by using positive coping strategies which creates strength and not distension.
By openly communicating, shared planning, cooperative problem solving and deliberate management of stress can help families decrease the effects of stress felts when it hits, rather than letting it ripple into bigger waves of distress.
Families that use stress reducing techniques like routine sharing, shared planning and conscious regulation of emotions found that stress does not completely disappear rather it becomes easy to manage and helps reduce the spread of stress.
A Story Close to Home
Imagine in the snowy month of December, a parent takes care of all the planning of the festivities completely alone – from the shopping lists, to shopping , to managing the family, to meeting expectations. They might seem like they have everything under control but their body does not agree – A stiff Body, A sliver of patience and lack of sleep will take its toll on their body.
Meanwhile their child subtly notices all of this even without the parent telling them. Their reaction seems clingy or irritable. Whereas the partner notices the short replies and think that the anger is towards them. This in turn causes everyone to stress out.
On the other hand, imagine this , A family where all the tasks and thoughts are shared through the idea of familymind. Any check-ins made are very short but intentional. Whenever a parent feels that the stress is increasing or they are feeling overwhelmed, they signal the other for a short break or pause to ground themselves. This helps them stay within reality and not let their stress spiral out of control. Habits like deep breaths or communication of emotions also help children that emotions are addressed and not ignored.
Stress still persists. But it is not the size of a mountain; rather it is like a small mound of sand. When this happens , the atmosphere of the entire house also becomes better, calmer and connected. This calmness did not require anything to be perfect, what it required was shared awareness and moments of intentional grounding.
Begin With One Minor Change Today
Stress during the holidays need not be a burden or seen as something that cannot be tackled. When family members all partake in habits that in turn help reduce the strain, everything becomes easier and better.
If you are looking to develop calmness, connection and emotional resilience not only during the holiday season, but all year long
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